Dating and teens. Two things that go hand in hand, but two things that create someserious problems if not addressed with the right belief and attitude. It is a diffucult thing for parents and teens to discuss because many teens don't want their parents to give them advice on dating, but let me assure you of something. They are getting advice, the question is from who? It is your role and responsibility as a parent to talk to your kids about dating, marriage and sex. So, I am going to post some of the stuff we talked about last night that I hope will create some conversation in your home about any of these topics.
Dating- dating is something that creates an artificial environment for evaluating another person’s qualtities and characteristics.
The principles of dating are man centered and culturally determined. In other words, dating was never addressed specifically in Scripture, and the culture determines how dating is accepted. For example, In India and parts of Africa there is no such thing as dating, or even meeting your future mate. Your marriage is arranged and you will most likely meet your husband or wife the day of the wedding. SHOCKER!
Different types of dating that usually go on in a relationship:
1)Fast and Furious Dating (Phil 2:3)
This thing starts out hot and heavy and in no time at all has fizzled out. This person wants all the benefits of marriage without the commitments. You may have heard it said, "Hit it and quit it." That describes this individual. This person wavers in what they do and are usually afraid to commit. They are dating for one reason alone: Themselves. If it does not bring them self satisfaction then they want no part of it. This is what is portrayed often times in the movies and shows that target teens.
2) Joined at the Hip Dating (John 15:13)
This person is willing to give up everything for the sake of the relationship. They will give up time with their parents, family and friends. They usually end up burning bridges in the end and have to work that much harder at rebuilding the trust in their friendships from before the relationship. This type of individual gets mad when there is family time scheduled because they want to spend time with their boyfriend or girlfriend. NOTE: Parents don't take your son or daughters boy friend or girlfriend on vacation with you. They are not a part of your family. You are encouraging them to act like they are married. (My Soapbox, if it offends you sorry. I guess you'll get over it.)
3) Mission Field Dating (II Cor. 6:14-18)
This is the type of person that is willing to go out with Non Christians because they think they can lead them to Christ. You may be in it to win them to Christ, but be very aware that you are playing with fire. Do not ask God if it is his will for you to marry a non Christian, he has already given you that answer. God doesn't change his standard because you love another person or because you think they are cute.
4) Dare to be Different Dating (John 15:19, Psalm 27:4)
This person is focused on their relationship with God and building it up first. They have lots of good friendships, but are not dating anyone in particular because they realize that they probably are not going to get married. Always puts others first. God is recognized as the foundation of the relationship, without Him it will crumble. Are you willing to give up everything to passionately pursue Love with Christ? It's funny how when everything in my relationship with Christ is squared away, he brings me closer in relationship with my wife, and will do the same for you and your future mate. (I Thes 4:3-8)
When looking at dating, ask yourself four questions:
1)What is God’s Standard for me entering a dating relationship? (Heb 13:4, 8)
God’s standard does not change, he is not going to change his mind just for you. He sets up standards to protect us, and help us in our relationships. God desires to spare the pain without spoiling the fun.
2)What is my plan / reason for wanting this dating relationship? (Gal 6:7-8)
Why do I want to proceed in making this relationship work? Do I get my acceptance and approval from this relationship? If I do I'm not ready to be dating, because my true identity and approval comes in Christ because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
3)What is my standard for entering a dating relationship? (John 13:15; II Cor 6:14-18)
We used a great example by tying two people together who were going opposite directions. When you are unequally yoked you are going to struggle going the direction God wants to take you because you husband or wife is not a believer and is not going to follow God's leading.
4) Do I have my parent’s approval? (Eph 6:1)
Like it or not, you need to respect and honor your parents when it comes to dating. They are the ones who raised you and they have your best interest in mind. When you disobey this one you set everything else into conflict. When you disobey your parents you create tension in your relationship with God because of disobedience. When there is tension in your relationship with God then there is going to be tension in your relationship with your parents and with every other relationship you have.
Dating is difficult, but if you can't follow these four guidelines, and answer these questions honestly then you aren't ready to be dating. I hope you enjoy this video from Sanctus Real because this is what it means to be a godly Father and Husband.
Parents work with your son or daughter and encourage them to make a list of the biblical characteristics and qualities they want in the person they want to marry.
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