Over the past month we have been going over the whle dating, marriage sex debate with the teens. I wanted to give you a couple of books that I hope will be interesting to your son or daughter and will challenge them to think beyond what the world says about this whole issue.
First of all, let me be very clear that the Bible is the ultimate authority on all these issues. Second, just because I recommend reading a book doesn't mean that I line up with the author on every minute detail. I believe it is our job to read Scripture and then view and interpret everything we read or watch through the lense of Scripture. So, with that said let me recommend a few books that are written by Christians that I believe parents should read and go over with their teens.
For Girls:
- Sexy Girls by: Hayley DiMarco
- Technical Virgin by: Hayley DiMarco
- Every Young Woman's Battle by: Shannon Ethridge
For Guys:
- Every Young Man's Battle by: Stephen Arterburn
For both:
- Passion & Purity by: Elisabeth Elliot
- Dateable by: Justin Lookadoo & Hayley DiMarco
- Pure Excitement by: Joe White
- What's The Big Deal? by: Jim Burgen
- Sex: It's Worth Waiting For by: Greg Speck
These are just a few books that may help you bring up the conversation and discuss how Scripture talks about dating, sex and marriage. This is a big deal in culture and is something that has to be taught at a young age.
So, I walked into our bedroom the other night and a few teens were on the internet. When I walked around the corner all of them got up and were embarrassed. They were listening to something they knew was questionable but still weren't bothered until I walked in. It got me thinking about what they might be listening to.
Now don't over analyze this or read between the lines too much. I love good music. Some of it is Christian some of it is not. But I watch very closely what I listen to. I received this great link here that I thought many of us might be able to think through and examine to find out what we are really listening to. Just a short challenge I thought you might enjoy.
WOW! That is all I can say. We had a great sunday at Springhill with our Family Fuel sunday. I hope you come prepared next sunday as Dr. Rodney Reeves from SBU comes to bring the Word to the families of Springhill.
I got permission from Tom Hufty to post last night's "12 Cries Parents Need To Hear." You can also to listen to any of yesterday's messages here. So here are the 12 cries and the need that is associated with it. Along with various other notes I wrote down to remind myself. I hope you enjoy them and I hope they help out.
* Kids will aggressively try to meet their needs. * If their needs are not met at home they will go somewhere else to have those needs met. * They will embrace the values of those who meet their needs.
1) Cool Scale Need – Acceptance - Kids will do anything to be accepted. You love them no matter what.
2) Compliment Starved Need – Affirmation - Love does not equal affirmation - you have to be intentional in affirming your child. - Find one thing a day they do well and praise them.
3) Confirmation Seeking Need – Approval - they need to know where the lines are. - help your kids pick their friends.
4) Constant Strokes Need - Affection - kids need affection - find ways to show affection daily
5) Consistent Safeguard Need - Authority - point them to the ultimate authority - authority is a safeguard in life.
6) Common Schedule Need - Access - they need access to you. - family must be a priority over everything else.
The following six were not talked about, but I will throw in my two cents on a couple of points.
7) Craving Significance Need - Action - children want to be contributors, we need to challenge them with the mission of the Gospel - Give them actions steps that will help them reach their friends.
8) Character Struggle Need - Attitude - children are trying to identify and build character - help them grow throw the difficulties by showing them the correct attitude
9)Continual Support Need - Accountability - be an accountablitilty partner with your children. - that is your role as a parent. Help them learn from mistakes and prep them for difficult situations.
10) Childish System Need - Adulthood - don't allow your child to maintain childish ways. - adolescence was never mentioned in Scripture because you went from being a child to adult. - help them become an adult.
11) Culturally Seduced Need - Arsenal - The world is calling out to them trying to mislead . - use them as weapons (arrows) to piere the darkness.
12) Counseled Structure Need - Advice - give them advice when needed - remember you are their parents not their best friend.
I hope you enjoyed yeasterday as much as I did. Enjoy and I would love to hear you comments.
Hey all you college students! I hope you are making plans for going to National Collegiate Student week August 7-12. It is going to be a great week with some challenging speaking from Matt Chandler. Make plans now to go. The cost should be somewhere around $200.
Dating and teens. Two things that go hand in hand, but two things that create someserious problems if not addressed with the right belief and attitude. It is a diffucult thing for parents and teens to discuss because many teens don't want their parents to give them advice on dating, but let me assure you of something. They are getting advice, the question is from who? It is your role and responsibility as a parent to talk to your kids about dating, marriage and sex. So, I am going to post some of the stuff we talked about last night that I hope will create some conversation in your home about any of these topics.
Dating- dating is something that creates an artificial environment for evaluating another person’s qualtities and characteristics.
The principles of dating are man centered and culturally determined. In other words, dating was never addressed specifically in Scripture, and the culture determines how dating is accepted. For example, In India and parts of Africa there is no such thing as dating, or even meeting your future mate. Your marriage is arranged and you will most likely meet your husband or wife the day of the wedding. SHOCKER!
Different types of dating that usually go on in a relationship: 1)Fast and Furious Dating (Phil 2:3) This thing starts out hot and heavy and in no time at all has fizzled out. This person wants all the benefits of marriage without the commitments. You may have heard it said, "Hit it and quit it." That describes this individual. This person wavers in what they do and are usually afraid to commit. They are dating for one reason alone: Themselves. If it does not bring them self satisfaction then they want no part of it. This is what is portrayed often times in the movies and shows that target teens.
2) Joined at the Hip Dating (John 15:13) This person is willing to give up everything for the sake of the relationship. They will give up time with their parents, family and friends. They usually end up burning bridges in the end and have to work that much harder at rebuilding the trust in their friendships from before the relationship. This type of individual gets mad when there is family time scheduled because they want to spend time with their boyfriend or girlfriend. NOTE: Parents don't take your son or daughters boy friend or girlfriend on vacation with you. They are not a part of your family. You are encouraging them to act like they are married. (My Soapbox, if it offends you sorry. I guess you'll get over it.)
3) Mission Field Dating (II Cor. 6:14-18) This is the type of person that is willing to go out with Non Christians because they think they can lead them to Christ. You may be in it to win them to Christ, but be very aware that you are playing with fire. Do not ask God if it is his will for you to marry a non Christian, he has already given you that answer. God doesn't change his standard because you love another person or because you think they are cute.
4) Dare to be Different Dating (John 15:19, Psalm 27:4) This person is focused on their relationship with God and building it up first. They have lots of good friendships, but are not dating anyone in particular because they realize that they probably are not going to get married. Always puts others first. God is recognized as the foundation of the relationship, without Him it will crumble. Are you willing to give up everything to passionately pursue Love with Christ? It's funny how when everything in my relationship with Christ is squared away, he brings me closer in relationship with my wife, and will do the same for you and your future mate. (I Thes 4:3-8)
When looking at dating, ask yourself four questions:
1)What is God’s Standard for me entering a dating relationship? (Heb 13:4, 8) God’s standard does not change, he is not going to change his mind just for you. He sets up standards to protect us, and help us in our relationships. God desires to spare the pain without spoiling the fun.
2)What is my plan / reason for wanting this dating relationship? (Gal 6:7-8) Why do I want to proceed in making this relationship work? Do I get my acceptance and approval from this relationship? If I do I'm not ready to be dating, because my true identity and approval comes in Christ because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
3)What is my standard for entering a dating relationship? (John 13:15; II Cor 6:14-18) We used a great example by tying two people together who were going opposite directions. When you are unequally yoked you are going to struggle going the direction God wants to take you because you husband or wife is not a believer and is not going to follow God's leading.
4) Do I have my parent’s approval? (Eph 6:1) Like it or not, you need to respect and honor your parents when it comes to dating. They are the ones who raised you and they have your best interest in mind. When you disobey this one you set everything else into conflict. When you disobey your parents you create tension in your relationship with God because of disobedience. When there is tension in your relationship with God then there is going to be tension in your relationship with your parents and with every other relationship you have.
Dating is difficult, but if you can't follow these four guidelines, and answer these questions honestly then you aren't ready to be dating. I hope you enjoy this video from Sanctus Real because this is what it means to be a godly Father and Husband.
Parents work with your son or daughter and encourage them to make a list of the biblical characteristics and qualities they want in the person they want to marry.
Over the past month we have been going over the whle dating, marriage sex debate with the teens. I wanted to give you a couple of books that I hope will be interesting to your son or daughter and will challenge them to think beyond what the world says about this whole issue. 
